Just Ask

 I feel like I’ve always had an issue for asking what I want.

As i’m thinking back to my childhood i’m lost in trying to find out where it stemmed from. Was it because I never really got what I wanted? Being the baby of the family had it’s pros and cons and I feel like I’m still stunted by the cons. I mean, I guess it’s hard to learn from them, if I have never acknowledged them. 

The youngest child tends to have it easier growing up, at least as far as being disciplined goes. But having an older, middle child sister, I feel like did a number on me. Because she was so strong willed, and controlling, she constantly told me what to do. And her attitude about it, was honestly brutal. I grew up hating it. So when ever she would piss me off, my mom always took her side. “You know how your sister is” as if her behaviour was allowed. 

It didn’t help that she was so book smart and athletic either. But that mouth of hers got her in trouble with both my parents on many occasions. All that to say, maybe I didn’t like asking authority figures in my life for help because I felt that I would never get the support I needed. 

Coming to this conclusion so quickly after just a couple paragraphs of writing is quite amazing. I honestly love that I had learnt to reflect so early on. I guess I felt like that was my only option as a young person. Not having the freedom to go out, feeling trapped in my room. Staying where they wanted me to. Art, taking photos, drawing, writing were all forms of early therapy for me. 

All that to say, I finally had the courage to ask for a raise. I never have before in my life. I’ve gotten a couple in previous years, but through offerings. 

Being the over thinker that I am, I prepared like crazy. Listened to a bunch of podcasts, watched videos, and read a couple articles. All surrounding the idea about how to ask for a raise. There are many approaches to it - who knew. Knowing how much better I would feel being prepared I went ahead and made a deck. Mainly because my thoughts are so all over the place that it helps to organize it in a presentation form. Also, practicing exactly what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it was so important. Especially because everything in the deck is point form and high level. 

I tried to keep it short and sweet, while also being descriptive. It was so short, that by the end of Alan even  asked me “is that it?”. Haha honestly, I felt okay about that. After sharing what I had to say, it was a no brainer. He was prepared to say yes, he just needs to have a chat with the partners. But even Alan mentioned that the other two would not have a problem with it. It’s more about determining the amount. 

My only flag is that I didn’t say the actual dollar amount of what I wanted. From the sounds of it, he wants to give me more than what I would have gotten at the last QRC. So until then I can still prepare, and be ready for this week - when the time comes. 

This has been a nice first time experience. And I’m glad I’m getting to do it with one of the best people. 

Also, shout out to Amber for being a Boss B and an inspiration. 

Here’s to pushing boundaries.