I look back now and I knew your mind was so occupied. So worried, stressed even. All I wanted to do was heal you, fix you. Get your mind off of all the work. But when your work is of the highest priority it doesn't leave. Trying so hard to put your mind at ease only lasted for the moment. Thinking I was doing you some sort of a favour. Maybe it did at the time.
Bringing two people together that still have so much to learn, experience and grow on their own won't work if its not the right time. Going through all of these learning and growing experiences with you could have been amazing. At least it looked that way in my head because it felt that way when we would do anything for the first time together.
Since you came along i've seen myself evolve into a stronger woman. Always wanting you to be proud of me, happy that you have a woman who can take care of herself, and was also able cater to her man. The way you carried yourself influenced me to want to carry myself the same way. Having to make my mind up about letting you go was probably the saddest decision i've ever had to make. Younger, naive Cas wouldn't have gone through with it. She would be selfish and would never want to let you go. But i've learned that that kind of mentality doesn't get you very far.
We... Brought me so much happiness. That is exactly what I need to develop. I need to be happy on my own. Scared of lonely isn't an option anymore. Starting to see what my heart really wants for myself is keeping me focused, hopefully this will make heart content.
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Unleash the Night
I really hope you discover the man you want to be and just be him. I already see him, but I guess its different learning to be him. Wish you the best and will always be here if you need me.
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I'm glad I never told you.
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